christmas gifts :)

Okay, so we have crossed-off all the names in turon’s Christmas list and as for me, I’d say I’m halfway there. Yeah we’re happy with that especially since it’s only the third day of December BUT now I’m faced with a huge amount of gifts to wrap! Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy wrapping gifts, it allows my creative side to flow (naks!), but to wrap 60+ gifts??? Man that’s much too much!!! Hay, I just need to get my groove on… hehehe. I need to get the ball rolling, after that, I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to finish all those. Wish me luck!!!

turon and spa

Okay, so what is it with SPAs and why do I love going to them? Thinking back, my first ‘SPA experience’ was way back in Grad School in UPLB no less with Honey (yes, that’s her name and that’s not a pseudo name for Turon). I forgot the name of the place already but even if it was in the suburbs, it was really good and the amenities were complete (steam, sauna, rooms with relaxing scents and Enya music). From then on, I decided that SPAs are going to be one of my favorite places in whole world. Hehehe :)

Since then, I was able to go and ‘try’ different SPA places with my friends… always my friends, never with Turon. Don’t really know why, but no matter how persistent I am in persuading him to go there he does not budge… or so I thought… finally, I was able to convince him to go to one yesterday!!!

Too bad I wasn’t able to take pictures… tsk, tsk, tsk…

We were just talking about SPAs the other night with Derick, Volt, Ivo, Gabz, Jeff, Jam and Mark and how he was a virigin to those establishments. Why he finally succumbed to my request… don’t really know… but it does not matter! Gone are the days of my begging and pleading for us to go there! Hehehe! Now, both of us can enjoy this really great and relaxing activity!

Hooray to SPAs!!!

What's on your desktop?

Tagged by Cel a few days ago, but got so busy with work (busy daw oh!) that I wasn’t able to do it immediately….

So here goes, this is a screenshot of my desktop:


Obviously, I have an Andy Warhol wallpaper… very much like Cel’s... hehehe. I believe we studied and created this 'effect' for our wallpaper at the same time. Shift A girls!!! :)

A few icons on the left… which shows that I do work! Although some folders there are personal such as the ‘Bahay Files’ folder which contains some tracking files on our investment. The colorful icons on the right side are the newest additions to my desktop, a very handy tool for tracking the different time zones all over the world... very useful indeed especially for my OS Patching SPOC role. Moving on to the top, there is an object dock which came from Ced, another practical addition to my desktop… basically those are just shortcuts to the most frequently used applications and folders in my computer. There is an out of place Post-it note though in my desktop… one that was written without my knwoledge by Mcq… (I’m only guessing here but my guess is like 80% sure… hehehe) I will be deleting that once I have posted this blog. :)

The open applications on the taskbar are once again work related… HP OpenView Service Desk, Microsoft Outlook (for my work e-mail) and Mozilla Firefox (to write this very blog)…

There… have I proven to you guys now that I am a hard-working person???

Tagging: Cecil, Tago, Turon and Tin

Rules:

1. Upon receiving this tag, immediately perform a screen capture of your desktop. It is best that no icons be deleted before the screen capture so as to add to the element of fun.

2. Post the picture in your blog. You can also give a short explanation on the look of your desktop just below it if you want. You can explain why you preferred such look or why is it full of Icons, things like that

3. Tag five of your friends and ask them to give you a Free View of their desktop

Redbox the RTCIS way...

Last Sunday, we went to TriNoMa with my RTCIS Teammates and we celebrated there Kuya Roy’s birthday and Papa Jeff’s despedida…

Had a lot of fun, but towards the end, Papa Jeff surprised us with a shocking news… leaving for another country... huhuhu!

We’ll miss you Papa Jeff!

More pictures here.

Yesterday, I was mistaken for a college student!

A 19-year old gal? Whoa!!!

I love my new hair! Wahahahah!

Sleep Thinking

It's 3AM and I’m still awake!

This is not good. Everyone who knows me knows that I am not much of a night person… I stay up late for very special occasions and very important cramming sessions only. Late nights, or should I say dawn brings back sad thoughts and memories to mind. I don’t really know why, but I have somehow associated those during this time of the day. Oftentimes, when I’m alone (or if I don’t know the people I’m riding the car with) in my LNS, sad thoughts keep resurfacing, forcing/bringing me back to ‘those’ days. I try my best to forget about them but sadly they are forever imprinted in my mind.

To divert my thoughts, I just go about my day in my head. Think of the highlights and lowlights of the day that has just gone by. Lately, it seems to be filled with, again, not-so-good thoughts which I have to admit really saddens and affects me. I try not to get affected but in this case, it's just not in my personality. I keep trying to figure out what is happening but I can’t seem to come up with anything. Turon has other thoughts but I refuse to believe him.

Thinking back to the FY07 that was, I am realizing that I really had been busy, a lot has been thrown into my plate (which is a positive thing). For whatever it is that I will be getting, I know in my heart that I deserve it and I won’t let anything or anybody make me feel otherwise. October 2006, if you ask me I will tell you without a moment’s pause that I want to move out… but along the way a lot of things changed, thus affecting my decision. I had been really happy about that… but now… I don’t know… thoughts of resignation have even visited once or twice. It’s just that I feel like I’m trapped and I can’t move…

This thing that I am worrying about is not really work related… or maybe it is… oh, I don’t know.

Stop thinking! I need to go to sleep! Well, I need to go home first… then sleep… but I can’t go home yet… so I can’t sleep yet…

Hay naku! In Mcq’s words… My mind is so sabog!

best of the best

Walang kokontra!



Here it is… finally, Cel was able to convert it from 1Gb to 30-something MB.

About it:

Used 3 applications:

- Adobe Photoshop CS
- SWiSHmax
- Sony Vegas Movie Studio 4.0

Made it for the AMG-DME offsite, as the RTCIS Team Video. Love! Love! Loves it! :)

chef frey

In the effort of trying to save up, turon and I have been having home cooked dinners at our house every weekend instead of dining out… Look at what I made last night…

Cel cooked asparagus for our lunch a while back which I loved, so I decided to give it a try and cook an asparagus dish myself. For him on the other hand, I made Pork Tenderloin Cajun Steak… :)

Home cooked meals are love!

friends are love...

Been busy… going out with friends! Loves it!!!

Pictures! Pictures!

Very Busy Saturday

Fort Nights [Oh My Gawd!]

just for you

Mcq! Sama tayo ha?

Hehehehe :)

nakikuso lang... :)

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

in love

Don’t really know what has gotten into me, but… I’m in looooove!

Really, I feel like my heart is overflowing with love for him.

help me explain

EMO alert...

For days now, I have been thinking of something to blog about. Something that’s deep and fitting as to what I’m feeling these days... something to explain how changes have been taking effect in my life lately. How grown up Turon and I have been feeling with each decision that we have been making. I want to put into words how some events can spiral out of control and completely change everything you’ve ever known and believed in. Make you alter your views in your life, your hopes for the future and the way you live in the present time.

I want to explain how I am affected with all that has been happening to the people that are close to me. How some things, be it small, have a negative impact on how I act and speak around them. I want to put across my intent in asking for forgiveness if in any way I have contributed to this change or if I have hurt them as they had hurt me… and at the same time I wish to let them know that I am still here. I still care for them and love them and I hope they still do for me.

I want to express how proud I am of me and my Turon with the choices that we have made and are still making. How each of our decisions proves more and more to ourselves that we have indeed come a long way… from a couple of college students to 2 grown up individuals who have made a life for themselves separately and together at the same time. How we have faced all the challenges that we re given to us in the 6 years that we have been together. Yes, some were handled not exactly the right way, but in the end we still came through.

I wish to convey the happiness that I feel for all the positive changes that my friends are experiencing now. How proud and truly pleased I am for them for making it and proving how one can achieve whatever they put their minds and hearts into… and how thrilled I am in welcoming them into our world.

Lastly, I would like to let someone know that I am and will always be behind you. To explain how I acknowledge that you have always been there for me my whole life. It is now that I realize how important and significant your presence have been. How I know that you are trying to be brave… how I wish I can be brave for you as well. But the thing is, I am not. I have to admit I am scared and a little bit unsure. It is as if I feel that a part of me has gone and it will never be returned.

Please help me explain.

what's up?

Yes, this has been my life for the past week now.

I see you at work. I see you at home. I see you in my sleep!

Tedious (Yes!)
Tiresome (Yes!)
Wearying (Yes!)
Time Consuming (Yes!)

… and I’m loving it!!! :)

reality strikes

Panic attack!

Deep breaths…

4 days of guilt

Good things certainly are happening in my life right now. Moving forward! The Big Leap! Change! Change! Change! Truly when it rains, it pours. :)

Moving on, my girlfriend Gabz just bought an old-new phone… it’s a Nokia 5500, shock-proof and water-proof. He was so happy about his purchase that he can’t help but share all the new and cool features of the said phone. It really was cool, so cool that we (I as the leader) decided to put his phone to the test. While at work, I saw a half-full glass of water just lying around our area. That gave me an idea to submerge his phone there… hehehe. When we did the first time, all was cool, the phone was working still and pretty much nothing happened. But then, Cel was not able to see it, so we did the whole thing all over again… BIG MISTAKE! Uh-oh! The phone went dead. *moment of silence here*

In my defense, I didn’t have to convince him much, right Gabz? Eerrrr Gabz? There was a video in YouTube right?

Gabz rushed to get the phone and went to the pantry to dry it off… After several times of trying, Gabz and I were able to turn it on again! Whooopeee! But sadly Gabz told me after a couple of hours that the LCD was kinda blinking. So he had to turn it off for a few days before deciding to turn it on again… just to avoid the electronic parts from ‘grounding’.

Panic! Guilt! Oh the guilt!!!

I thought I might hear one of Gabz’s famous scary lines… “d na ko natutuwa ah!”

Imagine my relief when Gabz texted me earlier today that the phone is A-okay now! Whew! And to quote him “Mas mahalaga friendship sakin kesa sa material na bagay”.

Luvyah girlfriend! Mwah! Mwah! Tsup! Tsup!

change

Changes, when it comes to our lives, are inevitable. As we grow older and hopefully become wiser, we realize more and more that change is the only thing constant. Ever since I graduated from college, my mindset has never changed, I still felt the same, acted the same and pretty much lived the same way. I don’t really recall the exact moment that I felt that I have changed, or matured as I would like to think I did but now, I have to say I’m really feeling it.

One of the major factors that brought a big change in my life is my work. From the happy-go-lucky worker that I was, I have changed into a full blown member of the working society. Little by little I have come to value the work that I do and prioritize those responsibilities that I carry. I have also come to learn that life really is not fair; you just have to work with the cards that you are dealt with. It all comes down to a person’s ability to go with the flow.

Maturity… Openness… Humility… these are all I ask. What is up?

I love you and you know that.

My mistakes I am trying to correct, differences I’ve learned to respect, regrets I am trying to forget.

people are people

Whenever I am assigned on the Asia shift, my usual mode of transportation is the trusty FX. There is this terminal near our house which I have to say is the most convenient thing ever thought of. Php50 only from Monumento to Makati in just one sitting… a very long sitting that is. Hehehe :) Another thing, there is the fact that you get to ‘know’ your service-mates… almost everyone’s face becomes familiar to you. That’s an added security feature! Having said that I would like to talk about the kinds of people that you meet in an FX…

The first type of people are those that seem to think that they are in a private car. Let me explain further, when in a public transportation such as an FX, we usually have to pay to the driver (they have no cundoctors). When seated at the back, you have to rely on the people in the middle to pass on to the driver your money. But then, there are people that are focused in ignoring voice and hand. Even if you wave your money at their faces, still nothing. Why do that people???? Would you want others to do the same thing to you??? You cannot always be seated within an arms range of the driver right? Another kind that falls under this type are those that doesn’t seem to care if only the half side of your butt is seated. What they do is they carefully place their bags and stuff around them, hoping to create an illusion that the seat is full. LISTEN UP! WE CANNOT FOOL THE DRIVERS! They know how to count and I’m quite sure that they know the capacity of their vehicles. Just an advice, buy your own car!

The next type are those that seem to be wrapped in their own worlds. Nowadays, IPODs, MP3 players, Radio Phones are very common. Most often, you will find one or two persons in an FX wearing earphones. It amazes me how some people seem to think that with wearing those earphones, comes an invisibility and inaudibility cloaks. You will just be surprised that the person next to you is laughing out loud or even singing out loud. Hehehe. No harm with this type, they are actually quite amusing.

Another type are those that consider an FX seat their second bed. The minute they have finished paying, they fall asleep. Even with all the bumpy roads, reckless drivers, noisy cars with sirens and weird horn sounds we have here in Manila, amazingly, they can just sleep through the whole ride. The only negative points here are those that sleep on your shoulder and of course those that drool… eeew…

And the last type that I can think of are those that are the very friendly ones. They can strike up a conversation with anyone and make it seem as if you are his/her long lost friend. Again, no harm with those, just a little weird especially for those that are not naturally friendly.

There, those are the different kinds of people that I face everyday when I’m riding an FX. Truly an interesting journey even if it is a short one. :)

foot-in-my-mouth

Just moments ago, I made my biggest faux pas ever. There I was with Dee and Cel, having a pleasant conversation… and I just said it! I knew there was something wrong as the words were coming out of my mouth… wahahahahaha! Like somehow my spirit lifted out of my body and I was looking down at myself while I was speaking! I think my face got redder (if there is such a term) than Cels' sisters’ no-load, borrowed Motorola pink phone!!!

I just hope Dee and Cel did not get offended! I swear! No offense meant… uh… guilty much???

Sorry na!!! Luvyah guys!

Loving the Rain

“Ooh, I hear laughter in the rain,
walking hand in hand with the one I love.
Ooh, how I love the rainy days
and the happy way I feel inside”

It’s been raining the whole week last week… and I loved it! (I know, I know, some are suffering because of this… but I can’t help it, I love it when it rains) Unfortunately though, I wasn’t able to enjoy it because I was stuck in a training the whole week. What made it worse, I had to take a certification exam which I am not too confident about now that I think about it. I felt so relieved after the exam and I was more than ready to take on the weekend. Especially since weekend=dates with turon!

Our date started off quite late… guess who was late? Weeeeell, we both were, he was late but I was even more late… hehehe! There is something about the rain that makes people just want to curl up in bed and listen to Harry Potter… uh… Or was that just me? :)

one year!

Oh my! It’s August already! Happy anniversary to my blog! Wheee!

Feminist Freya

It’s turon’s birthday today… YEY!

Anyway, we were walking in a mall and there was a couple a few steps ahead of us. It seemed like they were having a fight while walking… and to confirm my suspicion I saw the girl kinda slap the guy… (haha! Sorry I like to be well informed of what’s happening in my surroundings). Moving on, it came as a shock but if you think about it, it is acceptable... But to my horror, the guy hit the girl in the face! Then the girl slapped him again, then the guy hit him again!!! This happened a couple of times more, until the girl gave in and let the guy drape his arm around her. We passed by a comfort room and the girl made a beeline for it and when she turned I saw that she was already crying… =(

I was really bothered by the scene that we had just witnessed. I mean, we see it in the movies a lot, but when you see it in real life… I cannot believe what I was seeing, I am absolutely, 100% sure that when they do get married (if they are not yet in fact married) she will be a battered wife. I cannot think of a valid enough reason for him to hit her in the face… several times… in public! What an a@#hole! In my mind, I was thinking of ways to tell him off and humiliate him for what he was doing. After maybe an hour of more walking, turon noticed that I was still bothered… yeah for some reason, what we saw awoken the feminist/activist side of me. I felt pity for that girl… I mean I’m sure that since they are a couple, that she loves that guy. We come to a point that we get so involved that we just can’t reason with our hearts. How can you stop loving a guy because he hit you?

It is quite easy to say that as modern day women, we won’t let anybody especially men to step all over us, but when you put love as a factor, all reason seem to fly out of the window. Yes, we all come to a point when we get fed up with all that but even so, we accept pain first before we leave. *sigh*

I was thinking to myself that I won’t let that happen to me. EVER! But I can never be so sure. The easiest thing that we can do is to hope that we choose the right boyfriend or husband or partner and even hope more that they don’t have a mind as small as a fly to do such a thing.

*** these are MY thoughts and opinions…

which one are you?

I’ve been meaning to write a post for quite sometime now, but I’m actually really busy at work. I’m assigned to handle a new project and I must say quite amazed at myself that I was able to really focus on it. (hehehe) There are still a lot of things to do for that project, but me being able to do something from scratch in such a short period of time is an accomplishment enough in itself, which makes all the busy-ness worthwhile. Additionally, Cel and Jam and I have been quite busy planning our team’s tagaytay trip… yeah its fun to do, but it really takes up quite a huge amount of effort and time. Another thing that I must mention here… I just made a huge decision regarding my career path just a few days ago. Everyone in our team knows that I am one of the many people that's really very anxious to move to another team/role… but with the changes that has happened and are still happening to our team, I’ve been getting second thoughts. Hence, the decision to stay. A very busy and eventful week I must say.

Moving on, the thing that I've been wanting to blog about is something that I/our team has experienced a few weeks back. Problems and challenges are a big part of our lives, be it a problem with relationships, work, personal and many, many more. It is not how many times a person faces a problem that is important but it is how he/she handles or faces it.

Which makes me wonder, does the way we handle a problem somewhat defines our character?

Some people when faced with a problem, become even stronger and tougher. They stick to what is is right and fight fairly and honestly. Some people on the other hand, fight fire with fire... an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. Lastly, some other people, they just give up. Make some kind of lame-ass excuse then just vanish from the face of the earth.

I would like to think that I belong to the first group… how about you?

hermione

I’m amazed at just how much she has grown.

extended weekend!

Who said Mondays are toxic? Apparently that is not applicable to us! Hehehe! We even found turon’s long lost son! What do you know??? Mwahness to my girls! I had fun! Next time we will beat them!

more than meets the eye

I never thought that I would be interested in a movie about robots! But there we were, last Saturday, we watched Transformers… and I loved, loved, loved, loved, loved it! hehehehe! After the movie I kept asking turon about the names of the robots… I guess I bugged him so much that he told me to look it up in wikipedia already! Nyahahaha! So, this is the result of my research:

The first five are the AUTOBOTS

Optimus Prime – Peterbilt 18-wheeler Truck

Bumblebee – Chevrolet Camaro

Jazz – Pontiac Solstice

Ironhide – GMC Toppick 6500 pick-up truck

Rachet – Search and Rescue Hummer H2


Then there are the DECEPTICONS


Megatron – Cybertronian jet

Starscream – Lockheed Martin F-22 Raptor

Blackout – Sikorsky MH53 Pave Low II

Frenzy – Boombox

Barricade – Saleen 5281 Ford Mustang police car


Oh well, that’s enough boy stuff for me. We watched the movie at Trinoma, on the reclining seats (aka Lazy Boy) 250 per person. It’s kinda hidden, so when you buy your tickets you have to ask for the reclining seats first from the ticket person… (err… whatever they are called). It was okay, only thing though is that, the seats smelled like it just came out of the cabinet. Ehehe. I guess that’s because they are still new. So anyway, watch the movie! I enjoyed it so much that i even forgot about all the things that I'm supposed to do at work! Hehehehe!

whining! whining!

I feel like an old person right now… LITERALLY! My whole body is aching, if I have to rate it, I’d say it’s an 8 out of 10! I have to hold on to something when I have to sit down and the thing that old people do when they try to pick up something from the floor (they hold on to their knee)? I do it! So when something falls off the ground, lucky if I get to pick it up. hehehe. Also, I feel like I have to walk with a cane when going up and down the stairs, lucky for me it rained today (used it as my cane)… heehee… I know, I know I’m whining! Hay naku! Sabi nga ni turon, I MUST LOVE PAIN!

P.S. I hate you Jack!

Woohoo! Yeehoo!

If I could escape
And recreate a place that's my own world
And I could be your favorite girl (forever)
Perfectly together
Tell me boy now wouldn't that be sweet?


If I could be sweet
I know I've been a real bad girl (I'll try to change)
I didn't mean for you to get hurt (whatsoever)
We can make it better
Tell me boy wouldn't that be sweet?

just someone i know

Introducing a boy that's near and dear to me...

a girl can dream, can't i?

when you can't sleep at night

Around 7PM last night I already felt that I would be suffering through a long night due to a headache. I was able to ignore the pain for several hours since it was still pretty much tolerable, I even fell asleep at around 11:40PM. But then at around 2AM I was awoken by the throbbing pain in my head, I felt like my head was splitting into two! After 30 minutes of just staring at the ceiling I decided to take some medicine so that I would be able to sleep, especially since I had to be up again by 6AM to get ready for work. 30 minutes passed by and still nothing is changing; I was still suffering from the mind numbing pain in my head! Thank God by 3:30AM I was able to sleep… while sitting down… hehehe. Antok na talaga ako. I tried to file for a sick leave today but unfortunately no one would be able to cover my shift! Hay naku! Until now, I feel like my head is still carrying 10lb weights on each ear!

Anyway moving on, I have finally discovered why I haven’t been able to write blog entries for months now. The past two months had been roller coaster ride for me. I had felt probably 20 different kinds of sadness, 10 different kinds of anger, loneliness, despair (each), 10 different kinds of doubt and 5 different kinds of happiness. (What the hell am I talking about??) I guess I just want to emphasize the fact that my emotions were put to the test this past few weeks and as much as I want to share all those feelings here in my blog, I decided that I won’t but rather just to share it with a few close friends which by the way really helped me A LOT! Also I wouldn’t want my blog to be like a dear diary now would I? Heeheehee.

It pretty much goes without saying that whatever I went through back then is ‘kind of’ over now. I say ‘kind of’ because honestly, I am still unsure but I am hoping.

Oh! And Happy Birthday to my dear and loving father!!! Happy Birthday Dad!!! <3

happy birthday gabz!

Because I forgot to greet him yesterday…

i'm back... i hope

It’s been more than a month since I last posted a ‘valid’ blog entry here… puro one liner lang daw eh… hehehe… anyway, let me try to recall what had happened since.

April 14

Joined Turon’s company outing at Clearwater Golf and Country Club in Clark Pampanga. I came as his guest, basically just watched them as they go about the normal ‘outing’ activities… relays, cheering competition, games, etc… oh and it was my first swimming this summer of 2007

April 21

HP – AMG had our 2nd Team Building Activity at Batangas Coutry Club in Batangas. Yes, there were games but unfortunately I wasn’t able to join since I was the DM from 8AM to 4:30PM… too bad. But when night time came I was free! Hehehe. I was able to join the activities for the evening, I even sang with HP’s band (I’m a member by the way… ehehehe) Jam@HP. Gabz and I braved singing in front of the whole AMG group with Kuya Roy slamming away with the drums… Tin, Jam and Ivo on the other hand whom are members of HP’s dance group – Let’s Groove, gave a very fun and funky performance. Derick meanwhile was a host! So that basically comprises our whole team… even with our very small headcount and very demanding roles most of us were able to participate at the event… one word sums it all up… BIBO!

April 28

Our team had a very impromptu yet well planned party at Ced’s place. We spent overnight there at casa Tanedo… ehehe. Billiards, poker, basketball and swimming… what more can you ask for?

** sorry no pictures… tignan nyo na lang blog ni Cel and Turon.

waiting for my 1 am ride

uncertainty

One step forward, two steps back…

nothing new?

Blog leave? Not so much…

Just keeping things undercover…

can't stop thinking

Back when I was a kid, I believed that I would grow up to be this perfect person. There are lots of things that I promised myself that I wouldn’t become, a lot of things that I thought to myself that I would be. A black and white way of looking on what’s good and bad… and I believed that I would be on the good side all the way. But then life came… experiences came, friends came, and lovers came.

As a kid we are all idealistic, filled with hope and desire to be someone which we perceive as perfect. Growing up we realize that life usually doesn’t have the same plan for us. In life we face endless struggles and fights that ultimately influence us, our personality, our being. With each struggle, we change, be it a change for the good or for the bad. All of our experiences shape us up into the person that we are now. And the way that we face these difficulties also define ourselves.

Struggles, I have faced many in my life… some I believe, I was able to handle well, and some disastrously not. I would like to think of myself as the best product/version that life can possible give… well maybe not the best (there’s always room for improvement!) but good enough. There will always be things that I wish I could change, regrets they are called. They say that the way to live a full life is to not have regrets, but truthfully, who doesn’t have any? Then there are things that when I look back into it, makes me proud of what I am and who I have become.

So why am I thinking about all of this now? I guess you can say that I am in slump! I’m in a point where I am constantly evaluating myself, my decisions, and my life. Hmm… maybe this is quarter-life crisis… or maybe… nah I won’t say it, for if I do, then it would be immortalized in this blog and then it would be real. Hay!

I said I wasn’t gonna lose myself… but then POP! Goes my heart!

love is...

... an emotion so strong that you would give up everything, to just feel it once, to know that you are part of something special. To know that you can feel what love really is, to know, to feel, to love...

hopelessness

I’ve been staring at this blank page for a while now and I can’t seem to come up with words to describe what is happening to me, how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking. All I have are questions, lots of questions. How can something so good be so wrong? How can a feeling which seems to be so right and true not be enough? How can life be this complicated?

Truly, pulling an end of a thread can cause for a sweater to unravel. Seems like this is what is happening to me right now. I am watching, right before my very eyes how a relationship so strong and deep unravels. How something so small can cause for everything to just fall apart. Ask me 2 days ago and I would answer to you that I am fine, not great but doing just fine. But now, today, I feel like there is a heavy weight upon me, a dark cloud hovering above my head.

I am feeling incredibly sad to say the very least. I am feeling hopeless and that’s the truth. I felt angry and resentful a while back for I know that it wouldn’t have come to this if it didn’t start in the first place. But honestly, I don’t really wish for that. If this did not start then it would mean that I wouldn’t have experienced everything that I have experienced the past 6 years. I can’t really imagine my life during those years without you. Yes, you.

I know that the problem we are facing right now is a major one; one that we have been trying to ignore the past 6 years; one that we keep trying to convince ourselves that would just get solved on its own; and one that we both are passionate about. You will change. I will change. Wishful thinking’s, easy way outs, ideal situation but in the end, no one is changing.

You came up with a way that would help us decide, just a few hours into it I seem to be falling apart. I am trying and failing miserably. But I will continue to try for it seems that it is working for you. You told me not to cry… but I am crying, crying over the unbelievable pain that I’m feeling right now; crying because I feel hopeless; crying just thinking of what I would be losing; crying because I’m just not ready to accept the fact that there really is nothing more we can do.

I am not ready for this. And I don’t think I ever will be.

unwelcome

I never had a conversation with you anymore wherein you made me feel welcomed… well not since 2000-whatever. And every time I try, you never fail to make me feel bad.



*PS: I deleted the previous post kase that certain person and I are okay na.

peace offering?

Cel called me up at 6 freakin’ am today to tell me that she will not be coming to work because she wanted to spend time with her mom before she goes back to Davao. I totally understood and I had no problems with that, except maybe for the fact that she woke me up. heehee! Anyway, she came to the office a while ago to give a ‘peace offering’ daw. Hello?? I asked her if we were at war (which we’re not!). Anyway, thanks Cel for the offering! :)

miracle

As I was commuting to work today, I was fighting the awkwardness of my seat (in an FX) trying my best to get into slumber mode. hehe! Somewhere along Osmeńa Highway a song kept disturbing my extended sleeping time. The song ‘Miracle’ by Whitney Houston which I know has been quite popular during its time has shown itself up to a particular stations’ play list. Nothing special I know, but the lyrics of the song hit home. I have been pulled back into my ‘thinking state’ for the past week now. Scary thoughts and doubts seemed to have crept its way back into my mind and have bothered me immensely especially when I am thinking about my future. Then I heard this song, sappy I know, letting myself believe that this is a sign. But whatever! I can believe whatever I choose to believe. And this song seemed to have made me feel better. So yeah, I guess that was a sign.

Nothing should matter

Not when love grows inside you

The choice is yours

There's a miracle in store

Nothing should matter

Not when love grows inside you

A voice of love is crying out

Don't throw love away

There's a miracle in store

How could I let go of a miracle

Nothing could ever take its place

Thought I was looking

Out for myself

Now it seems the pain

Is all that I have gained

I wonder if you could be my miracle

I wonder if you could spare me pain

Seems as though nothing will comfort me

Less today I pray

That you should come listen

sad thought

Ever felt this before?

Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time he does something that tells you he's no good, you ignore it. And every time he comes through and surprises you, he wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that he's not for you.

-Iris, The Holiday

i am missing something right now...

I just wish it would come already… and let me out of my misery.

I saw someone just recently and all my insecurities are rushing back in. Hay, I hate myself when I’m like this. I feel so down right now. I miss being on top. I need steps, concrete steps like for alcoholics, the 12-step thing… I need that! I need discipline! I need motivation! I need something! Hay! Nakaka- frustrate!

I HATE THIS! I HATE THIS! I HATE THIS!

happy birthday!

hello weekend

Weekend's here!!!

NO WORK = HAPPINESS!

P.S. I feel like such an expert. heeheehee

anger management

Speak when you are angry--and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.

growing pains

I feel like it has been a loooooooong week. Don’t really remember when it started but it seems as if there is a LOT that has to be done and it has to be done NOW. For the past week I had been walking blindly with a project of mine. I AM THE OWNER=I AM RESPONSIBLE. Yeah I get that, but the thing is… I don’t know what the heck I’m doing. Add to that the pressure of deadline and the fact that I HAD other people depending on me... and of course let us not forget the unforeseen circumstances which add to the delay. Hay, I feel like such a grown up. Good thing I’m almost finished with it! =) BUT it was not without long work hours and lack of sleep! Hey, I’m not complaining here coz as what our manager said it’s good feeling even if you’re tired and stressed knowing that you accomplished something, and I choose to believe him on that. Well I better believe him coz I know that there is still a very long 3 months ahead of us. Hay! We will survive, I will survive… I hope…

So little time, so much to do…

I’d rather spend my day with YOU…

untitled

Ho-hum… boring day(thinking of interesting things) … I went to the most romantic wedding I have ever attended last Sunday. I think, every couple in the party fell a little more in love that day. And when I talked to the bride she said that getting married was the happiest feeling ever… wonder what mine would be like (assuming I’ll have a wedding that is) :)

Oooohhhh.. scratch that, this week wasn’t boring… Turon and I just got a great deal! :)

feet dilemma

Question: What is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?

Answer: I went out of the house and went to the mall wearing 2 different havs… a black one on my left foot and a brown one on my right... and I was wearing capri pants so my feet were exposed!

Solution to the problem, buy a new set of slippers… but only after I rode the bus then MRT and roamed around SM Megamall. Heeheehee!

2007

Been busy the past two days… with work? NOT! Heehee. Actually I was still am busy looking for/saving/inserting album covers and lyrics. FUN! Once again, Celay has taught me something very important and useful *pat on her back*! Oh what will I ever do without you? LOLZ! Anyway, the past days I have noticed that most of my teammates’ dispositions are quite low… hmmm… is there something in the air? It saddens me although I’m not one of them, seems like 2007 has not had a good start with most of them. Speaking of, I really have no expectation of what my 2007 would be like. I’m not really into expectations, I have learned through previous experiences that the less expectations I have, the less hurt I will be. Having said that, I’ll just hope that 2007 will be better than 2006…

2006: I have met and gotten close with some of my teammates
2007: Hope that our friendship would remain strong and lasting

2006: Work started to get easier for me
2007: Hope that this year, panis na yan!

2006: Work-Life Balance came to be
2007: Hope for more free weekends! (haha! That one’s for my manager! uhm… although I hope he’s not reading this)

2006: Lost my grandma and grandpa
2007: Hope that my family and friends all remain safe and healthy

2006: Someone tried to prove his best that he’s changed
2007: Hope that this change will be for good

2006: Received an IPOD
2007: Hope this year IPHONE naman… LOLZ!

Okay I’ll stop, before I start enumerating every little thing that happened to me last year. Hehe. Basta here’s to hoping that my 2007 will be good!! :)

a little help from your friends

I’m posting this for a friend whom I know is missing someone terribly right now…

What would you do if I sang out of tune,
Would you stand up and walk out on me?
Lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song
And I'll try not to sing out of key.

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

What do I do when my love is away
(Does it worry you to be alone?)
How do I feel by the end of the day,
(Are you sad because you're on your own?)

No, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody
I need somebody to love
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love.

Would you believe in a love at first sight
Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time
What do you see when you turn out the light
I can't tell you but I know it's mine,

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm, I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends

Do you need anybody
I just need someone to love
Could it be anybody
I want somebody to love.

Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends
with a little help from my friends.

Smile Tin! 4 months will pass by before you know it. :)

fireworks+EK=my weekend

Last Saturday, amidst the throng of people in MOA, we braved going there and waited for the fireworks display for the 2nd Pyrolympics. I wonder why people are all so fascinated with fireworks, I mean it’s not like we seldom see it, it’s a pretty common thing nowadays. But still, we sat there and waited for an hour with our necks propped up. Just waiting there made me realize how pathetic we were. Hehehehe. Anyways, when it started, it was pretty amazing…

Sunday, we got together with our college barkada. Being with them again just made me realize how much I miss their company and how much I miss college. =( Going to Enchanted Kingdom after the holidays is kind of a tradition to us. For several consecutive years, we always go to EK, (for 2 years it was December 27), but having graduated college it kind of died down. We already missed 2 years that’s why this trip was extra special. =) We have a thing where when we make plans ahead of time, like a week before the scheduled day, it usually doesn’t happen, so this time we made plans 2 days before! And what do you know, our plans pushed through! Hehehe. Mark, Archie, Sherwin and I had the ‘perfect attendance’ meaning we rode every ride our group went to (2x space shuttle, 3x anchor’s away, wheel of fate, dodgem, jungle log jam, rialto, flying fiesta). He on the other hand, got nauseous, poor him. Heeheehee. Can’t wait for another get together with them…

PS: 71 months! Woohoo!

pinkness

I love pink.......... ya’ think???