Friday, March 09, 2007

can't stop thinking

Back when I was a kid, I believed that I would grow up to be this perfect person. There are lots of things that I promised myself that I wouldn’t become, a lot of things that I thought to myself that I would be. A black and white way of looking on what’s good and bad… and I believed that I would be on the good side all the way. But then life came… experiences came, friends came, and lovers came.

As a kid we are all idealistic, filled with hope and desire to be someone which we perceive as perfect. Growing up we realize that life usually doesn’t have the same plan for us. In life we face endless struggles and fights that ultimately influence us, our personality, our being. With each struggle, we change, be it a change for the good or for the bad. All of our experiences shape us up into the person that we are now. And the way that we face these difficulties also define ourselves.

Struggles, I have faced many in my life… some I believe, I was able to handle well, and some disastrously not. I would like to think of myself as the best product/version that life can possible give… well maybe not the best (there’s always room for improvement!) but good enough. There will always be things that I wish I could change, regrets they are called. They say that the way to live a full life is to not have regrets, but truthfully, who doesn’t have any? Then there are things that when I look back into it, makes me proud of what I am and who I have become.

So why am I thinking about all of this now? I guess you can say that I am in slump! I’m in a point where I am constantly evaluating myself, my decisions, and my life. Hmm… maybe this is quarter-life crisis… or maybe… nah I won’t say it, for if I do, then it would be immortalized in this blog and then it would be real. Hay!

I said I wasn’t gonna lose myself… but then POP! Goes my heart!


2 comments:

Cel said...

frey, your a good person!..your family and friends can attest to that!

and don't for get, cum laude ka!

*mmwaaah*

freya said...

yeah well as you said, fear has got me second guessing...