I’ve been staring at this blank page for a while now and I can’t seem to come up with words to describe what is happening to me, how I’m feeling and what I’m thinking. All I have are questions, lots of questions. How can something so good be so wrong? How can a feeling which seems to be so right and true not be enough? How can life be this complicated?
Truly, pulling an end of a thread can cause for a sweater to unravel. Seems like this is what is happening to me right now. I am watching, right before my very eyes how a relationship so strong and deep unravels. How something so small can cause for everything to just fall apart. Ask me 2 days ago and I would answer to you that I am fine, not great but doing just fine. But now, today, I feel like there is a heavy weight upon me, a dark cloud hovering above my head.
I am feeling incredibly sad to say the very least. I am feeling hopeless and that’s the truth. I felt angry and resentful a while back for I know that it wouldn’t have come to this if it didn’t start in the first place. But honestly, I don’t really wish for that. If this did not start then it would mean that I wouldn’t have experienced everything that I have experienced the past 6 years. I can’t really imagine my life during those years without you. Yes, you.
I know that the problem we are facing right now is a major one; one that we have been trying to ignore the past 6 years; one that we keep trying to convince ourselves that would just get solved on its own; and one that we both are passionate about. You will change. I will change. Wishful thinking’s, easy way outs, ideal situation but in the end, no one is changing.
You came up with a way that would help us decide, just a few hours into it I seem to be falling apart. I am trying and failing miserably. But I will continue to try for it seems that it is working for you. You told me not to cry… but I am crying, crying over the unbelievable pain that I’m feeling right now; crying because I feel hopeless; crying just thinking of what I would be losing; crying because I’m just not ready to accept the fact that there really is nothing more we can do.
I am not ready for this. And I don’t think I ever will be.
Truly, pulling an end of a thread can cause for a sweater to unravel. Seems like this is what is happening to me right now. I am watching, right before my very eyes how a relationship so strong and deep unravels. How something so small can cause for everything to just fall apart. Ask me 2 days ago and I would answer to you that I am fine, not great but doing just fine. But now, today, I feel like there is a heavy weight upon me, a dark cloud hovering above my head.
I am feeling incredibly sad to say the very least. I am feeling hopeless and that’s the truth. I felt angry and resentful a while back for I know that it wouldn’t have come to this if it didn’t start in the first place. But honestly, I don’t really wish for that. If this did not start then it would mean that I wouldn’t have experienced everything that I have experienced the past 6 years. I can’t really imagine my life during those years without you. Yes, you.
I know that the problem we are facing right now is a major one; one that we have been trying to ignore the past 6 years; one that we keep trying to convince ourselves that would just get solved on its own; and one that we both are passionate about. You will change. I will change. Wishful thinking’s, easy way outs, ideal situation but in the end, no one is changing.
You came up with a way that would help us decide, just a few hours into it I seem to be falling apart. I am trying and failing miserably. But I will continue to try for it seems that it is working for you. You told me not to cry… but I am crying, crying over the unbelievable pain that I’m feeling right now; crying because I feel hopeless; crying just thinking of what I would be losing; crying because I’m just not ready to accept the fact that there really is nothing more we can do.
I am not ready for this. And I don’t think I ever will be.
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