help me explain

EMO alert...

For days now, I have been thinking of something to blog about. Something that’s deep and fitting as to what I’m feeling these days... something to explain how changes have been taking effect in my life lately. How grown up Turon and I have been feeling with each decision that we have been making. I want to put into words how some events can spiral out of control and completely change everything you’ve ever known and believed in. Make you alter your views in your life, your hopes for the future and the way you live in the present time.

I want to explain how I am affected with all that has been happening to the people that are close to me. How some things, be it small, have a negative impact on how I act and speak around them. I want to put across my intent in asking for forgiveness if in any way I have contributed to this change or if I have hurt them as they had hurt me… and at the same time I wish to let them know that I am still here. I still care for them and love them and I hope they still do for me.

I want to express how proud I am of me and my Turon with the choices that we have made and are still making. How each of our decisions proves more and more to ourselves that we have indeed come a long way… from a couple of college students to 2 grown up individuals who have made a life for themselves separately and together at the same time. How we have faced all the challenges that we re given to us in the 6 years that we have been together. Yes, some were handled not exactly the right way, but in the end we still came through.

I wish to convey the happiness that I feel for all the positive changes that my friends are experiencing now. How proud and truly pleased I am for them for making it and proving how one can achieve whatever they put their minds and hearts into… and how thrilled I am in welcoming them into our world.

Lastly, I would like to let someone know that I am and will always be behind you. To explain how I acknowledge that you have always been there for me my whole life. It is now that I realize how important and significant your presence have been. How I know that you are trying to be brave… how I wish I can be brave for you as well. But the thing is, I am not. I have to admit I am scared and a little bit unsure. It is as if I feel that a part of me has gone and it will never be returned.

Please help me explain.

what's up?

Yes, this has been my life for the past week now.

I see you at work. I see you at home. I see you in my sleep!

Tedious (Yes!)
Tiresome (Yes!)
Wearying (Yes!)
Time Consuming (Yes!)

… and I’m loving it!!! :)

reality strikes

Panic attack!

Deep breaths…

4 days of guilt

Good things certainly are happening in my life right now. Moving forward! The Big Leap! Change! Change! Change! Truly when it rains, it pours. :)

Moving on, my girlfriend Gabz just bought an old-new phone… it’s a Nokia 5500, shock-proof and water-proof. He was so happy about his purchase that he can’t help but share all the new and cool features of the said phone. It really was cool, so cool that we (I as the leader) decided to put his phone to the test. While at work, I saw a half-full glass of water just lying around our area. That gave me an idea to submerge his phone there… hehehe. When we did the first time, all was cool, the phone was working still and pretty much nothing happened. But then, Cel was not able to see it, so we did the whole thing all over again… BIG MISTAKE! Uh-oh! The phone went dead. *moment of silence here*

In my defense, I didn’t have to convince him much, right Gabz? Eerrrr Gabz? There was a video in YouTube right?

Gabz rushed to get the phone and went to the pantry to dry it off… After several times of trying, Gabz and I were able to turn it on again! Whooopeee! But sadly Gabz told me after a couple of hours that the LCD was kinda blinking. So he had to turn it off for a few days before deciding to turn it on again… just to avoid the electronic parts from ‘grounding’.

Panic! Guilt! Oh the guilt!!!

I thought I might hear one of Gabz’s famous scary lines… “d na ko natutuwa ah!”

Imagine my relief when Gabz texted me earlier today that the phone is A-okay now! Whew! And to quote him “Mas mahalaga friendship sakin kesa sa material na bagay”.

Luvyah girlfriend! Mwah! Mwah! Tsup! Tsup!

change

Changes, when it comes to our lives, are inevitable. As we grow older and hopefully become wiser, we realize more and more that change is the only thing constant. Ever since I graduated from college, my mindset has never changed, I still felt the same, acted the same and pretty much lived the same way. I don’t really recall the exact moment that I felt that I have changed, or matured as I would like to think I did but now, I have to say I’m really feeling it.

One of the major factors that brought a big change in my life is my work. From the happy-go-lucky worker that I was, I have changed into a full blown member of the working society. Little by little I have come to value the work that I do and prioritize those responsibilities that I carry. I have also come to learn that life really is not fair; you just have to work with the cards that you are dealt with. It all comes down to a person’s ability to go with the flow.

Maturity… Openness… Humility… these are all I ask. What is up?

I love you and you know that.

My mistakes I am trying to correct, differences I’ve learned to respect, regrets I am trying to forget.

people are people

Whenever I am assigned on the Asia shift, my usual mode of transportation is the trusty FX. There is this terminal near our house which I have to say is the most convenient thing ever thought of. Php50 only from Monumento to Makati in just one sitting… a very long sitting that is. Hehehe :) Another thing, there is the fact that you get to ‘know’ your service-mates… almost everyone’s face becomes familiar to you. That’s an added security feature! Having said that I would like to talk about the kinds of people that you meet in an FX…

The first type of people are those that seem to think that they are in a private car. Let me explain further, when in a public transportation such as an FX, we usually have to pay to the driver (they have no cundoctors). When seated at the back, you have to rely on the people in the middle to pass on to the driver your money. But then, there are people that are focused in ignoring voice and hand. Even if you wave your money at their faces, still nothing. Why do that people???? Would you want others to do the same thing to you??? You cannot always be seated within an arms range of the driver right? Another kind that falls under this type are those that doesn’t seem to care if only the half side of your butt is seated. What they do is they carefully place their bags and stuff around them, hoping to create an illusion that the seat is full. LISTEN UP! WE CANNOT FOOL THE DRIVERS! They know how to count and I’m quite sure that they know the capacity of their vehicles. Just an advice, buy your own car!

The next type are those that seem to be wrapped in their own worlds. Nowadays, IPODs, MP3 players, Radio Phones are very common. Most often, you will find one or two persons in an FX wearing earphones. It amazes me how some people seem to think that with wearing those earphones, comes an invisibility and inaudibility cloaks. You will just be surprised that the person next to you is laughing out loud or even singing out loud. Hehehe. No harm with this type, they are actually quite amusing.

Another type are those that consider an FX seat their second bed. The minute they have finished paying, they fall asleep. Even with all the bumpy roads, reckless drivers, noisy cars with sirens and weird horn sounds we have here in Manila, amazingly, they can just sleep through the whole ride. The only negative points here are those that sleep on your shoulder and of course those that drool… eeew…

And the last type that I can think of are those that are the very friendly ones. They can strike up a conversation with anyone and make it seem as if you are his/her long lost friend. Again, no harm with those, just a little weird especially for those that are not naturally friendly.

There, those are the different kinds of people that I face everyday when I’m riding an FX. Truly an interesting journey even if it is a short one. :)